I never thought I would take this step but sometimes things happen in your life that kick you in the butt and make you have a good look at yourself.  Writing in a diary has always been a bit of a past time but I never really did it with any commitment.  Most of my writings were about what I did during the day and would have made a “meth” addict drift off into a state of boredom.  Rarely did I write about what was actually going through my head and as a result my previous diaries are confined to a damp ridden wardrobe because they failed to stimulate anything in my brain except my sleep patterns.

For years I have been one of those people who have never done anything without someone standing behind me with a rocket in their hand.  I’m generally pretty good when I get going but self motivation has always been one of my many downfalls and recent events have made me stand in front of a mirror for hours to try and work out who that person is I’m looking at.  You see just recently I slid into a state of depression and took way too many pills in an effort to get some respite.  It was a bad move on my part…so here I am blogging

I am 56 years old and have been a police officer for over 33 years.  My career has spanned the Met Police in London and New Zealand.  I thought I was cut out for the job but its something I am now questioning.  Its my aim now to explain what has happened over my life and career with a view to highlighting the plaque that is depression in the police.  Like in life itself depression is a killer in one form or another and can have an acute impact on not just the person themselves but the people around them.  The police worldwide have varying degrees of commitment when it comes to stress and depression and I would love to find out what is happening with others around the world.

I’d like to write about the police, stress, depression and its implications on the people who suffer from it with a view to offering support across police organisations.  I’d like to develop a network of police and support organisations that can share experiences and create a platform where people can go to seek help.  I want to help other people so that they don’t fall into the same dark hole that I am now attempting to climb out of.

Time will tell, but if that doesn’t happen then thats fine because I will use my blogging site as that rocket that prods my butt.

PS:  A “1M” is the New Zealand Police term for a mentally disaffected person…thats me…apparently !

The story continues……see you soon.